Letter to a friend who is extremely addicted to internet

Rudra Partap Singh
Rajput Palace
Royal Garden Marg,
Date : September 9, 200*

What the h*ll is going on over there? Why you are not communicating with me from last several years? Are you alive? Dear, if you can remember, in this age of internet technology, I am an idiot to send you orthodox hand written letters, that too not 1 but at least not less than 14 letters within the past 12 months. And you haven’t even found it worthy, to at least give a single response to me. I felt so happy, thinking about how during schooldays we were best friends, and how we enjoyed those wonderful times together, laughing, talking, merrymaking, studying and of course selling our home grown coconut in the market, so that we can fetch a handful of money, to maintain our status in the school.

But now I feel the sense of melancholy when I think about how the junk of silence from your side have eaten up the strong’s bonds of our friendship. But later on, I console myself, auto suggesting my heart, that you are not alive. Last week I promised myself not to communicate with you, at least for as long as you don’t communicate with me, from your side.

Last week, while going through your twitter profile and tweets, I was stunned. Your tweets like, Long live Kristen Stewart, Miley Cyrus Vs Selena Gomez and etc were just amazing. Your comments on Sania Mirza, IPL and Match-fixing were outstanding. Your tweets were so interesting that I could stop myself visiting your Orkut and Facebook profiles. As you know I am not as great as you in mathematics, but still I dared to analyze your social networking logs. The results were astonishing. I felt very jealous, learning that every day you are at least spending six to eight hours on YouTube, 2-5 hours on social networking sites, 1 hour dedicated to plentyoffish dating and the rest on the time I suppose you spend on writing long comments on the personal blog of your college hottie, Priyanka, and that too without even reading her articles.


Despite of all these useful activities of yours, I am terribly, shocked, seeing how you manage to spend 24 hours online on twitter! During the last several months I was thinking about the species of junks that engulfed our friendship, but last week, I got the answer. You have some 951 friends on Orkut and 951 on Facebook, out of which 86% is of the female population. Buddy, let me congrats you, because you have more scarps and messages, than the yearly sum total letters received by our local head post-office.

Your political activities on the various “I hate “communities that you either created or joined on both these social networking sites are really praiseworthily. The photo gallery created by you on Orkut, Facebook, and twitter as well as on flick that includes the gallery of your portrait drinking beer, sleeping on the dirt road, ragging to the juniors truly deserves standing ovation.

And I don’t want to talk about your great posts and comments made on different forums. But now you must be feeling bored, aren’t you? You played the game so dirty that you are now banned from almost all the active forums except the one that in which you have intelligently used a female avatar and name. To sum up, you are everywhere, you are online, and you are offline, you are always found somewhere where something gets terrible wrong…that great…

Should I, ask you how your studies going on? God knows, what kind of college in are in, the official website of your college in under construction from decades, anyhow the unofficial blog of your college maintained by Mr. Prestige Killer, seems to be very useful. I downloaded you results, and was shocked to learn that you are now giving back of your back papers, that mean this year you have to give the exams of the 1st year, 2nd year as well as the final year. Great!


At first I thought I should disclose everything to your father, about your results, about how you have miss-used his credit cards giving parties to friends and bribes to peons and lectures for manipulating your attendance as well as your exam papers. I thought I should hand over those pictures of yours that I have downloaded from the unofficial blog of the college, in which you are hiding your face with your wide palm, when the college management raided you hostel library, while your guys were stealing the library books in order to sell them to raise some funds for throwing a boys and girls mixed late night party. You know why didn’t I disclose anything to you father? It’s because it’s your life and I don’t have any legal rights to interfere, Right Boss! Bless me; I didn’t leak any information about you to your parents.

Anyhow, two weeks before, I got a call from your father. He said that you are keeping your mobile switched up, and thus they are not able to communicate with you from last few weeks. Aunty is very depressed thinking about your well being all the time; really your parents are very desperate to hear your voice. As they knew that I have several good friends, residing near your college campus, they asked me to get in touch with you immediately, and ask you to contact them.

I suggested your dad, to immediately get a BSNL internet connection so that I could take the opportunity to become his mentor to teach him to create his Orkut, Facebook and twitter profiles, so that he may become the tech mentor of aunty, and at the end, both of them can enjoy your online presence – your tweets, your messages as well as your outstanding verdict on different subjects.

Attention! Today, your dad got a big thick envelope from your principle that includes your result, punishment pictures as well as your college kundali (Horoscope). Man, I am writing this letter not because to advise you or to give my opinion or something, rather I just want to tell, that your retired army father is approaching towards your college campus, he is so angry that he will kill you, so my friend, Vanish! Just Vanish…


Please don’t call me for help!

Yours truly,
Rudra Partap Singh

It's Official: Singapore Second Most Internet Addicted In The World

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